honkers and tortillas

The only experience I've had in the past with Louisiana was New Orleans. Now everyone knows that people in New Orleans are crazy. If you live or if you even visit New Orleans, you are supposed to either be crazy or at least act crazy for the extent of your visit. But here I am in Slidell, and I'm here to tell you....these people are strange!

The first clue is their driving. I have NEVER seen more aggressive drivers. I guess aggressive is the word that I can use in polite company. From what I understand, the aggressive, get-in-your-face, and get-out-of-my-way driving is the norm. It has nothing to do with tension created by the hurricanes. It is not age related. I've had little old ladies pull out in front of me, and I think they waved as they did so. Ok, I bet when you visualize "little old ladies", you think about someone slowly turning in front of you. Hell no! These little old ladies were moving like it was the final lap of the Daytona 500, and they were in the lead...and damn sure were going to protect their lead! I assume that was a wave as they pulled in front of me, but they were moving too fast to count fingers. I do know that giving someone the finger here is a national pastime. That is one bird that is not extinct in Louisiana. Oh, and the other favorite past-time here is honking your horn. If you are moving too fast, you get honked at. If you are moving too slow, you get honked at. If the light turns green, and you don't go from 0 to 60 mph in 4 seconds, you get honked at. Sometimes I have seen people sitting in parking lots honking. I don't know if they are testing their horns for when they are driving on the street, or if it's some sort of strange mating ritual. But I do know that the only time I've come close to hearing honking like this was in Mexico, and Lousiana can beat those folks hands down.

What is interesting is that get these lunatics out of their car, and they transform into the nicest people. A lady will see you in the grocery store looking for the cereal aisle, and she's ask in a nice Southern drawl if she can help you in some way. I want to say, "Aren't you the same lady that passed me on the shoulder, cut in front of me, and had one hand out the window shooting me the finger while the other hand was honking the horn...just 5 minutes ago?" But since you are wearing a State Farm shirt, and you are afraid that they might know how to find you, you just politely thank her and get the hell out of there.

Speaking of grocery stores, that's the other place I'm struggling with Louisiana. I have been trying for over a week to find corn tortillas. Another simple thing, I would think. But you should see the look on their faces when I ask for corn tortillas. A third of them give me the "alien stare", as in "What planet are you from?" Another third direct me to the aisle with the international foods. There you find El Paso fix-it-yourself burritos (with flour tortillas in a can) and the standard El Paso pre-cooked taco shells. Can you believe that they sell that stuff? Or the last third actually send me to a tortilla display. Guess where? They are in the refrigerated section with milk and cheese! Mission Flour Tortillas in the dairy section!!! And still no corn tortillas to be seen. Now I've seen Taco Bells in at least 3 locations here. Don't these people ever think that the foods they are waiting to get in the drive-thru could be made at home? And to make these at home would only take some fresh corn tortillas and not some freeze-dried chapula shell packages months ago at the El Paso factory!!!

At some point, I am going to fly home for 48 hours to see Mom and my cats. I will be taking a near-empty suitcase. And when I return, you are going to smell masa all the way from Wimberley to Slidell. Having a real taco or chalupa every once in a while is going to be my reward from dealing with these crazy drivers.